A threefold pairing I’ve enjoyed in recent weeks:
- The Revoice conference in St. Louis last month.
- Watching the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended editions) for what I think was only my first time as an adult.
- A devotional I read the other morning from Henri Nouwen’s Bread for the Journey (which is so good!), quoted in full below.
June 29
Taking Up Our Crosses
Jesus says, “If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him…take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). He does not say “Make a cross” or “Look for a cross.” Each of us has a cross to carry. There is no need to make one or look for one. The cross we have is hard enough for us! But are we willing to take it up, to accept it as our cross?
Maybe we can’t study, maybe we are handicapped, maybe we suffer from depression, maybe we experience conflict in our families, maybe we are victims of violence or abuse. We didn’t choose any of it, but these things are our crosses. We can ignore them, reject them, refuse them, or hate them. But we can also take up these crosses and follow Jesus with them.
I’ve been thinking about the idea, present in all three of these, of committing to and persevering in a difficult journey or quest. Committing to live one’s life as a celibate gay or queer person who holds to the historical Biblical interpretation of human sexuality, for example, is a considerably difficult quest to embark on. As I payed particularly close attention to Frodo’s character in my viewing of the Lord of the Rings, I found myself identifying with his burden in new ways. Lines like, “[the ring] is my burden, and no one else can bear it” spoke to me of the isolating nature of being on a journey no one else can complete for you—or to use Nouwen’s language, of bearing a cross that is uniquely yours to bear, not anyone else’s.
It’s not to say other people don’t have their crosses and their difficult quests in life, of course, but it is to say this is (one of) mine. And I used to think of bearing my cross as a “same-sex attracted Christian” in a different way, in a much more expulsive and self-resenting way. But in time I’ve come to see that as much as my bisexuality presents me with some significant difficulties and challenges in life, it also has its gifts and its graces, which I can receive if I open myself to the possibility of their existence.